then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
