how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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