forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
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I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
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I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i out mim tonsoeep
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