Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
