Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
