Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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