I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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