i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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