Sry I called you an 8
I cockslap morals
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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