i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
