Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
