I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
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We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
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We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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