Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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