plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
