I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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