Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
