she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
