there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
