i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i would one night stand the shit outta him
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
