I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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