She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
he shaved USA in his pubs
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
