I smell stomach acid.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
