I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
