this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
