your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
