I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
