I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
