Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
