Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
