im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize