your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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