I puked a lego.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
