Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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