I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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