I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
