I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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