Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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