3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
