You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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