It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
