Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
