so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He better not be in your backpack
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
