Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
