And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
How's work?
Spinning.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
