broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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