My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
PANTIES FOUND
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
