i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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