her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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