My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You are the jesus of drinking
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Randomize
