he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
