are you still at the devil's house?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
