Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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