Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
