glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
