I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
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He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
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You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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