:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
