very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
