so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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