you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
