White coat. Heels.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
