the condom got lost in my hair
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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