you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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