I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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