So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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