You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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