she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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