i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
