Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
