all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
