Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
