Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
