Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
