I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
